It's been nine months since Lauren passed away. A full year since the fourth cancer onset. For most everyone else, life has understandably moved on. For us, it remains a huge part of every moment; and always will. Even though it remains excruciating, we feel that is a privilege. The sorrow is equivalent to the LOVE. And, love IS a privilege.Lauren always possessed a sense of 'direction' ... a 'true inner compass', so to speak. There wasn't a question in her mind regarding 'what' to do ... and, she just did it. We want to be like her. We want to 'follow her lead' ... to live her legacy. That is our purpose.
While most others fear what to say or do in the face of our grief and sorrow, we look to Lauren. And, we feel she would be beckoning us to move forward in a positive direction. It's why we love this photo so much ... it's reflective that she knows the way.
So, while I personally can't see the size XS, a cucumber, cow, or Chap-stick without missing a heart beat and having to catch my breath, I'm also reminded by those and many other things, that she is a great leader and I would be wise to follow. And, I'm reminded to be grateful because the sorrow at her loss will ultimately be temporary; but the joy in her life and in her triumph is and will be forever.
We walk the halls of PCMC again. We frequent rooms of other patients now, however. We have been assigned to work with our Church in serving the needs of families there. Some ask how we can possibly be there again ... (I admit -- it IS a little tougher to breathe up there) ... and then they remember who Lauren is and what her life was all about. And, they understand that it isn't "us" - it's "Lauren." We go with HER courage and love with HER heart .... so because of her we 'know the right thing to do and simply have to do it' .... we can't give her any less.
